Looking Back - Does it Make You Cringe?

I was going through old files today, and found one that was dated on this day one year ago.  In it was the excerpt that follows (along with lots of very cringeworthy bits before and after).  

It's about looking back on where I've come from, and being eager to get better, two things that I've been thinking about a lot lately.  It's rough around the edges, but I'm posting it because it's my birthday today, because I wrote it on my birthday last year, and because I'm feeling self-indulgent (although I'll probably regret that later).  

Now - time for a nice G & T.

  
Writings

There they were, piles of battered old notebooks, snippets of ideas, thoughts, feelings.

Adolescent ramblings, or just a random collection of words. Abandoned songs scribbled out in earnest addressed indignantly to disinterested love interests.

Some mad sketches in the margins.

The best stuff was actually quotes that I'd found amusing in my university lectures – funny stuff that, but not mine.

I couldn't say what had brought me to the empty page that day, full of expectancy. But it seemed important somehow.

With considerable effort, I began to form words in blue ink: Purple hedge rude rhinocerous.

Ridiculous, what was I playing at?

I crossed these out and tried again: Dear Sir or Madam...

Not, perhaps, the harbinger of an instant classic beginning to take shape.

I crinkled up the sheet of paper and threw it at the wastepaper basket, missing it, of course.

I picked up a crayon and drew a purple hedge rude rhinocerous. Well, at least I think I did. It's bulging eyes looked up at me with anticipation. I signed it – never know, one day it may be found and I will be lamented as one of England's undiscovered, brilliant, underground, avant-garde artists. 

The rhinocerous smirked at me after I had that thought. I screwed him up and threw him at the bin too. He went in. “Ha” I said triumphantly. 

I'm not even sure what an avant-garde artist is actually.

EK 2008

2 comments:

  1. Hi Emma!
    Thanks for visiting my blog!

    And a very, very happy birthday to you!!

    (If anyone knew what an avant-garde artist was, I'm sure hedge rhino would have been worthy of their consideration!)

    To celebrate (a bit late) I HIGHLY recommend the 3-minute microwave in a mug chocolate cake recipe on Fiona's blog. It's fast and dangerously addictive!

    Marie

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  2. Thanks for stopping in Marie, and for the birthday greetings.

    I'll take your recommendation on the cake, I've been meaning to try it (and I never really need an excuse for cake!)

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